[[ My Feelings & Emotions ]]

Yeah, so I don't know if it is the time of the year or what but...I am going crazy with all kind of emotion here lately and I do not know if that is the way it is supposed to be or not.

Here it is...right near the end of the semester. Next week is our last week of classes for the semester and I only have to come in on the days that I have an exam the following week! Sounds easy like I don't have much left right? WRONG! On top of finishing up my semester I'm trying to spend every spare moment I have to study for Nursing Licensure exam which I am taking for my 2nd time on December 7th (next Thursday). Ugh! I feel so stressed out about all this and I'm only 19! I've been told I am not "supposed to be" stressed. Well, try to do everything I'm doing...then tell me if you'd be stressed or not! I'm really scared/nervous about taking this exam again. I'm trying to keep myself confident and positive and do the best I can. I was talking on the phone with my friend Josh yesterday and he says, "I don't envy you at all. That's a hard test." Well, I know that's for darn certain. Nobody envies what I am doing at this point! Hopefully, after I take my exam...everything will calm down and I will be stress free until the semester begins in January.

I also told myself about my whole recent crush situation that I wouldn't take it hard. Well, I didnt take it hard necessarily. But I was still pretty upset when finding out he didn't like me back...ya know? He said to me, "I know. It sucks when you like someone and they don't like you back." No joke Sherlock! I mean....geeze...what does he think he did to my spirit?? I was out at the store last night, and I thought about the whole situation and I just wanted to let out a big ol' cry. I really think that would of helped me to feel better...but I couldn't, I was in the store. I am trying not to let the whole thing bother me though. We still talk on the phone every now and then...we talk at church and there is never a dull moment. We can always find something to talk about. There are never those awkward silences on the phone like there usually are when I talk to guys on the phone. He's definately different from any guy I've known. There isn't that one thing on their mind. I'm glad that he's willing to get to know me...hopefully...there is hope for us in the future. If not, then I'm willing to stay just friends for life. Cuz that's what I'll have to settle for.

Lately I've felt that every aspect is my life is not where I want to it be right now. I mean, I am very thankful for the life I have...growing up in a Christian home...a family who loves me...a great education...etc. But, I just feel like I need to change alot of things in my life...my life needs some kind of a transformation. I would definately like to improve physically...go on a diet and lose some weight. Not only for the sake of wanting to be attractive to others but to also feel good about myself. I want to look and feel healthier than I do.

Emotionally, I want to try to learn to control my emotions better. I mean my anger...and impatience. Because I can get annoyed very easily...and sometimes I show it way may than I need to. Then...spiritually, I am not with God where I want to be in my relationship with Him. I have not talked and spend time with God as much as I should lately and I want to get into a really good relationship with God like I never have before.

Also I would like to improve the way I take care of things...cleaning my room better...certain aspects of me physically...keep my car cleaned out...and all that. I want to look and feel responsible.

I guess that's enough about me to tell to you all right now. I could go on and on. Talk to you later!

Much Love,

Christine